Thursday, June 5, 2008

His Assurance

"... Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.'  So we say with confidence, the Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid.  What can man do to me?"

Hebrews 13:5-6

We had our appointment yesterday in Birmingham with the GI surgeon for Abby.  He was a sincere man, a good listener and it was obvious he wanted to help Abby.  

In an attempt to keep my emotions in check, I'll keep this brief (or spare you the details).  

Some very important information seemed to be lacking from the file the surgeon was holding.  We did our best to describe the past 9 months of symptoms and numerous tests/procedures that Abby went through to finally end up in his office.  As we concluded our visit it was decided that in light of the fact that our "puzzle" was missing some pieces, we needed to gather more information before surgery can be scheduled.

We've made our (several) phone calls, requests for clarification and are currently gathering more information to add to her file.  

Giving this issue up to the Lord and actually letting go of it has proven to be a heavy challenge for me.  This is all I can say at this point without becoming irrational in my writing.

So, instead of flowing with my natural tendency of worrying about Abby until I get physically sick, I'm actually trying to pry my fingers open to let God take her.

I read in My Utmost For His Highest today:

"My assurance is to be built upon God’s assurance to me. God says, "I will never leave you," so that then I "may boldly say, ’The Lord is my helper; I will not fear’ " ( Hebrews 13:5-6  ). In other words, I will not be obsessed with apprehension. This does not mean that I will not be tempted to fear, but I will remember God’s words of assurance." 

 "The faith of many people begins to falter when apprehensions enter their thinking, and they forget the meaning of God’s assurancea— they forget to take a deep spiritual breath. The only way to remove the fear from our lives is to listen to God’s assurance to us.

What are you fearing?"  

"When it seems that there is nothing and no one to help you, say to yourself, "But ’The Lord is my helper’ this very moment, even in my present circumstance." 

"Take hold of the Father’s assurance, and then say with strong courage, "I will not fear." It does not matter what evil or wrong may be in our way, because "He Himself has said, ’I will never leave you . . . .’ "

Human frailty is another thing that gets between God’s words of assurance and our own words and thoughts. When we realize how feeble we are in facing difficulties, the difficulties become like giants, we become like grasshoppers, and God seems to be nonexistent. But remember God’s assurance to us— "I will never. . . forsake you." 

Enough said.

We are earnestly praying for God's will to be made known to us about Abby's life.  Her reflux symptoms have practically consumed us (in addition to many others) these past 9 months.  Patrick and I have done everything in our knowledge and power to avoid surgery.  We've watched her gradually losing weight, losing oral skills, losing the ability to swallow her saliva.. the list goes on.  

But also just like all of her other challenges, we are COMPLETELY powerless to fix them.  We find ourselves thrown back into the "Spiritual School" of Trust.  Do I really trust Him? Do I trust Him to orchestrate every detail pertaining to her health, growth and comfort?

I can honestly say that trusting the Lord is my only goal for this day.

Our family would be so grateful if you would pray with us for resolution of this problem.  Specifically for healing, for clarity in communication among all of her physicians, and lastly for wisdom.

Thank you!

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.  Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."

Hebrews 12: 1-2